A few hours after the last post, we received the call we had been waiting for.
The answer was simply no.
It wouldn’t work. Not a chance.
It wasn’t the answer I had hoped for, but at least it was an answer. I took a walk, shed a few tears and came back. I touched base with those I needed to and went on with the day. I knew the no, but had no idea what the yes would be.
I woke up yesterday with no words to write. We just continued on with the work before us. No reason to add to the work with dreams dashed, but still we had enough to do.
“I don’t know.” My common refrain for so long. Can I just say how wearying that is?
I simply cannot say. I have no answers to their questions.
“Where will we go? When do we have to leave? What will we do?”
Trying so hard.
I know about walking in faith. I know that He will not leave me. It’s all gonna be alright. I know that. I’m okay with that on my own.
Trying to pass that on? Harder.
“I don’t know. But we’re in a good place in so many ways. Truly. Wherever we go, He is with us and we are together. That’s all that matters. He loves us and we love one another.”
“This is not a tragedy. It’s a disappointment. It’s frustrating, but it’s not a tragedy.”
And so we wait more. Waiting on the yes.
The phone rang again late yesterday.
We have a yes, he thinks. We’ll know more next week. Different plan, but one everyone can be happy with.
I’m feeling a bit of emotional whiplash, personally. Is this the really the yes?
I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know.
But I guess it means I should just do the next thing before me. I must admit, I’m not sharing this call with the kids. I trust us, and I trust the person working the plan, but I don’t entirely trust the ones who can make it all happen or not based on things I have no control over.
So I’ll plant some seeds today in hope, but in pots. I’m just not trusting the roots are really going to be planted here. I’ll just be working in the wait.