Diamonds

“What do you see out there?” he asked as I peered into darkness.

“Shimmering diamonds,” I replied, curtain falling back, as I turned away from the window.

The moon had risen, light fractured into a million pieces through the frosted windows.  I stood there and shivered from the beauty.

Even now early in the morning neighbor’s light through kitchen window sparkles and another moment of beauty is frozen in form.

I am cold.  But I don’t want to focus on the freeze.  I want to sip my tea and see diamonds.

Because really, it is December.  Practically speaking it’s only 10 degrees out there and I haven’t turned on the heater.  I know that once I do the sound will awaken the others and the still morning melts away from me.  Plus it’ll melt those crystal whorls making me smile.

Too often my first response is simply to feel the cold.  My desire is to see the diamonds.  Even if they don’t last, and they never do, I want to not miss a moment of beauty.

It’s a focus shift. With what lens will I see the world around me today?  I can grumble that I can’t see anything.  The windows are all frosted over.  Again.

The future is unclear.  I don’t know what is coming.  And I want to know.  Decisions need to be made and I want to make the right ones.  I want to know what the next correct step out should be so that I can take it, sure footed.  I don’t want to slip, crashing down in pain and failure again.  But I’ve been frozen in place too long.  I’ve not fallen, nor moved forward.

Until now.  Each morning I rise.  I tell myself I just need to do this one thing.  However small a step.  One step today.  I try not to overthink and worry that I’ll just have to do it again tomorrow.  No.  It’s just this moment.  This present..  And then I can walk away moving onto the rest of the work.

But I am taking with me this gift in my heart today.  Because I saw diamonds and gathered my heart full.  Even before the sunrise.

 

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